Shame is an emotion that represses us and prevents us from performing those actions that we want or know what we should do. It limits us and torments us. It paralyzes us. That is why it is very important to reflect on where it arises and how we can overcome it.
It is a painful belief that makes us doubt ourselves. Throughout this article you will be able to understand this emotion and learn how you can deal with it so that you can overcome it in any facet of your life, and especially emphasizing social relationships and linking.
- 1 1. Understand the shame
- 2 2. Remove it from your mind
- 2.1 Wake up beauty: Creativity in the art of love
- 2.2 We live in poetry: Poems and thoughts in prose
- 3 3. Love the overcoming
1. Understand the shame
Shame we must face in the past, present and future.
Shame of the past
Shame as a condition of the past can come internally or felt, or externally or learned from the outside.
To overcome the shame you have to find it inside us and heal it. We can find it in the past hidden among our memories. Is behind those occasions when we have felt shame for some reason, such as the shame that a boy has been able to feel when he receives a public rejection from a girl he liked, or when we have felt that after saying something, people have laughed at us. This shame of the past conditions our present. He manipulates us as if he had marked a wound on our skin. It makes us feel nervous and shy about doing what one day gave us that feeling of discomfort. Returning to one of the examples above, a boy who has felt shame after a woman's rejection may become less determined to try again with another girl if he lets that past shame manipulate his now.
The first step to live your life without the burden of your past shame, is to reflect on them, accepting them and understanding them from a meditative attitude in your present, away from you the resentment and frustration generated to separate from emotions and try to visualize those experience With beauty eyes and learning attitude.
It can also come from other people. If our parents feel shame about something, they are likely to transmit it to us through education. Or our friends may have told us an experience that made them very embarrassed and influenced us in order to avoid it and associate it with this feeling.
For example, imagine that a good friend and classmate went out to exhibit in public and screwed up in front of everyone, causing the murmur and laughter of the other classmates. Perhaps you felt compassion for him and his bad fortune, and even talked to him later to support him. If that boy in turn, shared with you the frustration and discomfort he was feeling, that critical experience that was only his, now is also introduced into your own meats almost as your own and can be extrapolated to your own future experiences. That is to say, You can be ashamed now, a panic situation learned through the skin of others.
Shame in the present
The shame in the present is what we feel either because of the case discussed above, it comes from our past experiences and is manipulating us now, or because of the fear of the new. The mind tends to do only what it is used to and knows that it is good. We avoid doing new things because we think this emotion of discomfort will cause us. At the subconscious level we associate.
If we talk about the law of attraction, if we believe for example that before going out to speak in public we will feel shame, it is more than likely to happen. Do not avoid doing what you want or have to do in the present giving you logical arguments or justifying yourself because you are ashamed. "I am ashamed" is not a valid argument. Get it out of your mind NOW!
Many people have great potential that they do not take advantage of because of using shame as an excuse, when in reality They are feeling totally natural nervousness as a result of a risky situation. An alteration that can inspire your senses and strengthen your attention if carried with courage and confidence in your abilities.
Shame for the future
If we don't get used to being brave and motivating ourselves to face shame in the now, we will build a habit of overcoming that we will carry with us forever. When there is a problem solutions are put. It is useless to justify it. If something embarrasses you, think that The longer you prolong it the more it will cost you to face it and for longer it will prevent you from doing what you want to do.
To overcome and eliminate shame we must heal our past, live our present with courage, and be optimistic about our future.
Find the strategies that best fit you to face situations that may embarrass you. Some prefer to fight it little by little, and design small steps to accommodate the new situation. It would be comparable to the person trying to quit smoking by reducing their consumption little by little. The task can be arduous, but bearable. Another option is to face it at once, a situation that will be inevitable in some contexts, and that are a litmus test to encourage our value.
2. Remove it from your mind
Learn to say enough to your monologues
The mathematical and more purely rational mind is responsible for calculating and calculating an incessant maelstrom of bland and useless thoughts to make us stay in our comfort zone:
If what I say is not correct I will make a fool of myself + They will laugh at me + I will feel terrible = Better not to take the risk.
The mind can be our best tool, but also our worst enemy. It is able to generate doubts continuously and provoke all kinds of internal conflicts and problems without rest. You can self-sabotage us with ease. Stop us from being creative!
Fears, insecurities, shyness, shame ... They are negative emotions generated by our little head. We live in a world too rational. We have to be able to disconnect from the mind. Only in this way can we free ourselves from their bonds.
Learn to say enough to his murmurs and allow yourself to flow through life without continuous analysis! Meditate, meditate and meditate. Smile every time you do it. Only then can you be natural. Only then can you be yourself. You are not being yourself right now. You will only be yourself when those thoughts that tell you no, stop influencing your actions and your desires. Accept it: when you feel shy or embarrassed you are not being you, it makes no sense to judge yourself or feel bad. It is not you, you are being manipulated. You have to free yourself from those claws.
You need a state of consciousness free from bonds
Social relations, seduction, love ... need a state of consciousness. They need our mind to be clear. To seduce and illuminate the inner fire of a person you have to drag her to the present, to a state where she is so overwhelmed by what she feels she can forget about everything and everyone. We have to disconnect from that inner monologue that does nothing but say: blah, blah and more blah.
Therefore, clear your mind and allow yourself to be natural. Although at first when learning something new it costs you. You can use meditation and hypnosis to relieve the thoughts of your mind and let yourself be more fluent in your social relationships. If you are not used to meditating on these two audios, they can help you:
Many times we have seen and no doubt many will have experienced, when someone says that in the company of a person they forget everything. Enter a state of enlightenment and intense pleasure to which we usually llick love You may be very embarrassed, but if you can have met people with whom you felt so comfortable that you acted without thinking. Even though you did the clown. You were not afraid to do what you felt and wanted to do. THAT'S NATURE. There it is you. The mind does not exist there. It is relaxed. Resting.
To lose shame, you must set aside rationality. Do not be afraid to be wrong. Don't try to be perfect!
Come closer to live the present
Let's get closer to that present, to that living in the now. To relate is very important. Get used to staying totally present with what you do. When you kiss, be the kiss. If you caress be the caress. When you speak, be your voice and all its nuances. Pay attention to each movement, each breath. Be aware of every feeling. Let yourself go, and feel. Do not focus on your thoughts. When you have a problem, rationalize. Find the solution. But when you do something, like public speaking, live that moment. Focus on your actions. In what you have to be doing.
Socrates said it in the movie "The Pacific Warrior": There is no beginning or end, just do it.
Forget thoughts about what will happen if you make a mistake, or if others think you're nervous, etc. etc. Those thoughts are what make you feel ashamed. When it comes to dealing with other people the same thing happens. Just do it.
WhenSomeone get rid of useless thoughts. Keep your mind attentive on the other person, on the sensations that his company produces and on what he says or does.
With others, focus on sharing your now
There is only one way to relate, and it is sharing ours now. Insecurities, lack of self-esteem or fears do not exist for those who fully live the present. When you are with someone, immerse yourself in their day and night. That's when all your natural appeal will come to light! Without methods, without strategies, without imitating anyone. Just for being who you really are.
For example, modern methods of linking, as we study the experts in personal sales marketing, immerse us in our rational mind. We focus on fulfilling its structure and indications instead of observing the other person and detecting their needs and covering them from a deep empathy and acceptance. They keep us in the rationality, and therefore although we think they can provide us with security because they mark the way for us, what they do is encourage our shame to end up appearing in the face of unexpected situations that always end up arriving and that we do not control with the method. We have to get used to living, singing, dancing and seducing or flirting in a natural way, or we will quickly run the risk of falling into difficulties and giving rise to shame.
To captivate those around us we have to meet their emotional needs. Whenever we communicate in both verbal and nonverbal language, we wake up and arouse positive or negative emotions in others. The positive seduce. The negatives repel. Shame and shyness can be flirtatious. They can be attractive. But if we transmit those emotions to other people rather than as mere observers, we will cause the opposite effect. We will repel. The control is repulsive, absent of naturalness.
Don't be afraid of shame and be brave to fight it
3. Love the overcoming
Surrendering is not valid, draw your strength
There is only one way to deal with the turbulence that occurs in our lives, and it is focusing on the positive things that can bring us. To think that whatever happens, we learn and grow, that in life nothing is written, everything changes, and the important thing is to live it and enjoy it as we grow.
In this way we will be at peace within the storm. We will know how to appreciate all the wisdom that is able to give us Become aware of her. It is when problems occur when we learn and grow more. Surrendering is not a valid solution. Surrendering is cowardly. Awareness, learning, and finding solutions is the attitude of the brave. It is intelligence. Only then can you enjoy and see beauty in any situation.
Shame, shyness or fear help us enjoy our successes more. It is a pleasure to overcome these emotions and see how they transform into the euphoria of the enthusiasm of the warrior who progresses.
Think of the satisfaction so great that you will feel when you face shame. When you feel that even though you have been ashamed, YOU HAVE DONE IT! Visualize how proud you will feel. We can stop feeling embarrassed in many situations that we felt before. But don't forget something, what costs more, it is better. That should push you now. That desire for continuous satisfaction is what will make you begin to face those situations that previously paralyzed you.
You can receive very useful advice, develop your skills, read a lot and learn more and more, but sooner or later to overcome the shame you will have to "lay eggs." You'll have to be brave, and not only have to be, but want to be. Wish it.
You are not the center of the universe, thank God
Think that you are not the center of the universe. Once I felt nervous before going out to speak in public. Now and almost never happens to me because it is something that I have already done many times. But before I was very scared. Nevertheless, I did it, and after doing so I realized two things. One of them was that I was not the center of the universe and that most of the attendees did not care exactly what I felt or did. And the second that many people share our same fears, because at that time they told me that they had not dared to leave, so that my bravery caused them admiration.
Overcoming you will bring security and make your shame diminish. That is logical. People who outdo themselves and strive to be better at something, even if at first they were afraid to do so, each time they feel better facing those situations until they become simple. If you have learned to speak correctly, to have better labia and it is clear to yourself that you communicate better, or that you are more funny, the shame that you can talk to a person you like will be much lower, because you will feel ready and ready Your self-esteem will be higher.
We rely on others to ask for advice and encouragement. Coaching has always existed. However, although this is very positive, Get used to coaching yourself. To depend only on you. You can't have others by your side at all times. You have to trust you first, and listen and read to others in the second branch.
Be your own coach
When you are having a hard time under any circumstances. If you feel tired or discouraged. When you see that things do not go as you wish. If you feel shame. The first person you have to talk to is yourself. Imagine that you are consulting someone who knows you very well and that you know that he will always love and support you, that he will always love you, whatever you do, and answer yourself. Answer with positivity and motivation. That way you will always take a coach by your side wherever you go. Your best coach Your!
From here I invite you to start from now! To overcome and face your shame. You can do it and now you know how. Start now!
Do not miss my guide:
Emotional intelligence: Guide to manage your emotions
In the face of difficulties, the first person you have to talk to is yourself. Visualize yourself from outside and imagine that you are consulting someone who knows you very well. Someone you know will always support you. That he will always love you, whatever you do. And then, when you feel all that love, answer yourself!