Fear is an emotional warning that arises from a perception of physical or emotional damage. It often presents itself as a feeling of anguish or nerves. Fear causes us to be cautious and avoid risk, which is good for our survival in order to avoid physical damage.
However, the dangerous fear is the psychological one, which is produced despite no danger, such as fear of being rejected by a person we like, or fear of exposing in public. That's when these fears they affect our normal life and prevent us from performing actions that we want or should do.
The fear is different from the phobia, because while the fear causes us that nervousness, anguish or anxiety that we have already commented, the phobia is presented at a higher level, producing blockages or attacks of anxiety and panic.
The first step to being braver is to increase our understanding and awareness about fear.
- 1 Understand fear and its origin
- 2 Transform fear into adventurous energy
- 3 Wake up beauty: Creativity in the art of love
- 4 We live in poetry: Poems and thoughts in prose
- 5 Get ready for the adventure
Understand fear and its origin
Behind consciousness, hidden solutions always appear.
1. Don't let fear manipulate you
Fear and insecurity is something that manipulates us, that really prevents us from being who we are. Many tell us that we have to be ourselves. Others think that they have been themselves for a long time and have done nothing but accumulate failures. The question is, Are you really being yourself if your fears are manipulating you?
The mind tends to avoid those stimuli that have caused damage in the past. For example, a person who, the first time he exhibited in public, did it wrong and the audience laughed at her (perhaps for not having prepared well what she wanted to expose), associate that act with the feeling of discomfort he experienced in the past. Perhaps he is a person who expresses himself very well and can make great presentations in public, but because of that past experience he will avoid that act or even if he does, fear takes over causing nervousness and mental blockages.
When you identify one of your fears, do the following exercise: try to visualize where it came from. The next part of the article will help you in this task.
2. Identify your fears
Fears manipulate us but ... where does fear come from? I may be looking forward to talking to that girl or boy that I like so much, and even knowing what I want to tell her. My desire is to attract that person, but my fears manipulate me in a way that I feel paralyzed and I can't do it. The same could happen to a job interview that was very important to me.
Psychological fear arises from desire. Whether seducing that person I like or fulfilling a professional dream, fear is almost always part of desire. If you wanted to find the person of your dreams tomorrow, many fears would arise. For example, you might start to feel afraid if you are going to be able to find a person that you really like, or if in case you find it he / she feels the same about you. Another example could be the fulfillment of a dream: if a person wants to find work when he finishes his studies, that desire may arise from the fear that he will not get it or that it is not the job that interests him most.
From desire arises pain; from desire fear arises. For one who is free from desire there is no pain, much less fear (Buddha Gautama)
Therefore and having clear that fears arise from our desires, what we must do is learn to identify our desires and their associated fears, and from there refocus our interpretation to overcome them.
3. Avoid contagion
I remember the day I examined the driving test (the practical one). I was very sure of myself, I had no feeling of anxiety. Although I had hardly done 7 internships, my years of experience on the road with a moped and the occasional exit to drive with my older brother already gave me a good command of the car and the road. I felt very safe. However, while waiting for my turn, a boy stood by my side and started telling me that he had already suspended the driver's license 5 times. He started telling me how he had been suspended and as he told me he moved his legs nervously and patted me with his hand. This made me spread his fear of suspending, and when I got in the car I couldn't even put my belt on. In the end because of my nerves I suspended, when I had left home with all the security of the world.
The conclusion we can draw from here is simple, and that is If you get together with people with fears, it is very possible that they will be transmitted to you even if in principle you did not have them. If you want to be a bad student, get together with bad students. If you want to be an emotional unbalanced, get together with unbalanced or put Big Brother on television every day. And if you want to avoid fear, avoid fearful people or at least be aware of the situation so that it affects you as little as possible.
Also keep in mind that society as a whole infects or establishes a lot of fears as a base, So while in cultures such as the United States, starting and setting up a business is encouraged and motivated by the people around, in countries like Spain, most begin to look for the reasons why they can fail, being a culture more focused on Search for a job as safe and stable.
4. Watch for unwanted inheritance
At this point we are in the same situation as in the previous one. We all receive a different education, and that also affects our fears. The children of successful entrepreneurs tend to be less afraid of starting a business. You could say that they have sucked him, it is not something alien or new to them, which prevents them from feeling fear of the new. Now, as you are the son of an entrepreneur who failed in business and he does not stop talking about the negative consequences he suffered, then it is very likely that something similar will happen to you now, avoiding being an entrepreneur and looking for a job as safe as possible.
In cases like these, it is our responsibility to do an introspection exercise and discover what our ideal path is according to our values. Releasing the influence of the environment, we can get great inner courage.
5. Be aware of your present
Fear can only be found in the past and in the future. A military man may feel fear before starting a battle, but when he is inside it and the bullets wander around him he is so focused on surviving that it is impossible for him to concentrate on the emotion of fear, since losing that dose of attention could cost him life.
Live the moment intensely in the conscious fullness of now, so you will stop energizing your fears, for these are only mental, and we give more strength to the presence itself.
That is usually more visible when what we are going to do we are passionate about. He who has a business idea in which he believes and excites him, fills him with such passion that he can only see new ideas and solutions to the difficulties, The fear of not fulfilling your desire does not appear, it is too submerged in the moment.
Meditate, find moments to relax and merge with your actions. The less weight you give your thoughts, the less fear you will have.
6. Avoid the imitation trap
Fear comes on many occasions from the lack of confidence in ourselves. One way to feel safer is to imitate other people we consider successful. But so we do not promote security in ourselves, we only copy, copy and copy. The fear does not go away. We may not be so sorry when performing the copied acts, but internally we amplify it, because we are not building confidence in our own intelligence.
The key is not to imitate those who succeed, because we are all different people and what works for someone in particular does not have to work for you. The important thing is to reflect who We really are, getting to know each other and exceeding our own limits with the practice and training of our skills.
Our goal is to change and improve what we have with each new dawn a little more, but starting from our own bases towards a path of solid growth, not putting on the mask of another person, because the only thing we do is throw sawdust on our fears and incur identity loss problems. In the long run the remedy is nothing more than a patch.
After understanding comes acceptance, we begin to become aware and obstacles begin to be reinterpreted and overcome.
Transform fear into adventurous energy
Energy is neither created nor destroyed, it only transforms
Fear is energy, and as energy we can only transform it. Fear is not eliminated, accepted and reinterpreted. Trying to run away from fear is like running away from death. In fact, the fear that gives strength to everyone else is the fear of death (survival).
A while ago a boy told me that he wanted to eradicate his fear of approaching talking to a girl, that he did not like to feel that nervousness and anxiety. Who may like to feel fear? Who doesn't like security and comfort? Well, dear reader, I like to feel fear, but only because I know what it would mean not to feel it.
Many people die before their death, they live in a grave made for their security wishes, but Security is boring. Security kills people, makes you lose your passion for things. I replied to that boy: Do you want to feel full security before going to talk to that boy or girl you like? Consider your wish well before asking a genie who possesses a magic lamp.
Fear is natural in the prudent, and knowing how to overcome is being brave.
Alonso de Ercilla
The absence of fear is the absence of emotions. It is being a robot. A machine. Without insecurities, risks, challenges, anxieties, frustrations, etc., we would not feel all the emotions of pride, motivation and ambition that grow and overcome. And if we kill everything that makes us feel, we will feel dead and meaningless. A life that will surprise us less and less.
Facing fear is important, but feeling is absolutely paramount. Are you afraid Give thanks, because feeling fear is having the opportunity to face it with courage. Those who lose the ability to play with the unpredictability of life, start digging their own pit. Why are there millionaires or people who could be retired who are still working? Is it excessive ambition that flutters through your veins? No, it is the thrill of battle. They are people who find the excitement of life at work, and stillness inspires rot. Who renounces the action, begins to dig his own hole of boredom. Idle time can be killer if no meaningful ways of making sense and enjoyment are found.
Not being afraid is death, absence of high emotions. Accept and love fear, stare into his lion's eyes and grow before him with the courage that inspires the feeling of the fire of the universe.
Focus on that side of the positive currency that fear has under the inspiring emotions of facing and overcoming it. Transform the energy of fear into brave actions! If that boy did not feel afraid to meet a new person he likes, the situation would lose much of his romance and natural attractiveness, thus transforming him into a callous and filthy circus actor, killing all emotion.
Face your fears as soon as possible
The mind tends to avoid the new, tries to accommodate us in a comfort zone. He wants us to only do what we are good at, what you feel comfortable with. But it is that what we are currently doing well at some point was not so and we had to overcome and face fears to achieve it. If we don't face the fear of the new at some point, we can never get over it.
Take a look back at your past, and remember those fears that you had and that you faced successfully and then think: go, so much panic and in the end it was just this, I'm looking forward to face it again!
Often the mind amplifies and amplifies and amplifies our fears over and over again, and if we face them with determination, it is blinded more and more in apocalyptic excuses and arguments. Facing them as soon as possible is the best remedy to avoid falling into this spiral.
Get ready for the adventure
Overcoming and overcoming our fears in a solid and consistent manner over time requires some perseverance, although it is certainly something that will depend on what fear in particular it is.
To achieve our task of successfully facing and overcoming these fears, we will rely on the triangle of success that is widely used to explain the triumph of some people or institutions. It consists of three factors:
1. Desires: imagination, ideas or dreams.
2. Techniques or knowledge: on how to carry out these ideas or dreams.
3. Motivation or enthusiasm: The engine that moves us.
A person can have many bright ideas (wishes), but if you don't know how to carry them out (techniques and knowledge) and he has no enthusiasm for getting it (motivation and enthusiasm), this will not help.
The same happens with fear. We must not only understand and accept it, but adopt more tangible solutions derived from personal growth in each area in question.
So, from this triangle of success I have developed a new triangle that will help us to have an outline in our mind about how to overcome our fears.
The triangle is very simple, and that is if the fear arises from desires, obtaining the techniques and knowledge that lead us to fulfill those wishes, we will gain confidence in ourselves and see how those fears diminish as we feel more prepared and face them. The latter is very important, we must face them while we prepare, not prepare and postpone the action. Both things have to go hand in hand, although it will also depend on what fear it is and on the possibilities to face it gradually.
The third part of the triangle is the enthusiasm, the engine that charges your batteries so you have the necessary perseverance and energy. To foster this enthusiasm, we can imagine ourselves having already fulfilled that desire that generated fear, concentrating on the pleasurable sensations it would produce, or imagine facing that fear with success and motivation, which will allow us to maintain momentum along the way. . As you can see, the three parts of this triangle reinforce each other.
An example of triangle application: Fear of sex
One day talking to a boy told me that he was very afraid of sex and could not get an erection when he was in bed with a girl, and that please help him solve that fear. After listening to him long and hard, I understood that this fear did not come from anything physical, but that his influence was beating on the fruit of a couple of previous bad experiences.
He I WANTED (Remember that fear arises from desire) to make women enjoy in bed, but those previous negative experiences had generated a strong insecurity that prevented her friend from functioning properly. At the same time I had a high expectation that I should provide great sex, and that perfectionism, as we saw in the previous article, amplifies fear.
Discarded all physical problems, only improving their TECHNIQUES As a lover, either buying a book on how to make a woman enjoy in bed or documenting in any other way, she would gain self-confidence. In this way as soon as he had one or two sexual experiences and these were positive, the fear would disappear forever.
But of course, to get this you also need ENTHUSIASMWell, there are always people who, however much they want something and have the possibility of improving, are not willing to make an effort and invest in it. There are people who are not able to read a self-help book even if their life goes by, so the greater the enthusiasm, the more they may be encouraged to do so.
Finally, remember that mistakes are where you learn most, and that all people make them. The difference between the successful person is not that he makes fewer mistakes than the one who fails, but that the one who fails leaves early and the successful person continues and persists until he gets what he wants.
- Meditate and reflect on your fears to have them identified. You know how they work, so it will be easier to do so.
- Accept them and try to find the positive side of them (positive emotions that can derive from this emotion of fear).
- Overcome your fears with the triangle: documéntate on what you need to improve, invest time in that, and throw yourself as soon as possible.
Only without fear of anything or anyone is born of our being our most authentic self. Do not prostitute the force inside you for trying to adjust to the thoughts of others. Create your own course and don't look back. Thus you will discover the paths that lead you to the creativity that manages to make a difference.