Constructive criticism is a resource that we use to correct outside behaviors (or even our own if we apply these principles to ourselves). However, this resource can be useful and cause the expected effect, that is, correct that behavior towards which we consider appropriate, or it can cause adverse effects and worsen the relationship with the other person (generate conflict).
It is very important to rule that through constructive criticism we will focus on finding solutions that favor a common good, based on an objective observation that takes into account all possible points of view, as well as the objections and conditions of the person (or group of people) to which it is intended to criticize constructively.
- 1 1. Watch your emotional state before criticizing
- 2 2. Expose your arguments emotionally
- 3 Wake up beauty: Creativity in the art of love
- 4 We live in poetry: Poems and thoughts in prose
- 5 3. You don't need to be right
- 6 4. Persuade with benefits and do not focus only on the negative
- 7 5. Empathize with the other person or start your criticism with praise
- 8 6. Choose the right time and place
- 9 7. Please criticize one by one
- 10 8. Do not judge
- 11 9. Do not overdo it or make comparisons
- 12 10. Take care of your nonverbal language
1. Watch your emotional state before criticizing
Many times we venture too soon to criticize someone driven by an altered emotional state. Said vulgarly: We warm up and explode.
First of all, we have to be aware that if these reasons are enhanced by resentment, perhaps you should rethink criticism, because more than getting a correction of behavior, what we will achieve is to generate a conflict, in addition to subcommunicating our negative emotions.
A very common example of this type of criticism are those born of envy, and that is that when we envy someone we are prone to criticize those deficiencies that this person has, and in which we feel safe. As a way to buy highlighting us above. However we will be communicating without knowing this envy that we feel towards the focus of strength that that other person has.
Also ask yourself if you can be totally or partially responsible for what you are going to criticize. Be self-critical of yourself before criticizing others.
We should not believe too much in praise. The criticism is sometimes very necessary.
2. Expose your arguments emotionally
When we criticize, however subtle and educated we are, we are accusing someone of something, so as in a trial, we have to be prepared to substantiate our arguments.
A criticism without arguments becomes an attack, and in the face of attacks people tend to defend ourselves, be more right or less. A good way to base this criticism is to speak in an emotional way, communicating to the other person what makes us feel the criticized behavior. You can learn more about emotional communication in this article: Emotional Communication.
3. You don't need to be right
The objective of our criticisms should always be to correct behaviors or achieve any objective we want. Most people expect that before a criticism the other person will agree with them as if it were an act of submission. This is unnecessary.
Never expect to be right, because We all have our pride and we can get into a conflict for insisting too much on listening "You're right, I was wrong" when maybe the other person still realizing it is not going to admit it. Feel satisfied that you have achieved your goal of expanding the consciousness of the other person, and assess whether changes occur in it. That is the important thing.
4. Persuade with benefits and do not focus only on the negative
One of the best ways to make constructive criticism is to stop pointing out what others have wrong or do wrong, to make them fall in love making them see what we could do to live a happier or more successful present.
Throw a dart at the heart of the other person that motivates her to change her behavior.
Each fact in itself can be motivated by different feelings. The action may be the same, but the motivating factors towards its realization They can be very varied. They can arise from hate, but also from love. That is why judging is very risky, because we have not been inside the other person / s to see the world behind their eyes.
The best way to get away from evil is not to criticize it, but to propose, teach and motivate towards good. That is the most seductive way. The one that will allow us to love and love others as an inevitable consequence.
Many times the behaviors we want to correct have become deeply rooted habits in the other person, so it will be necessary to convince them to abandon them.
As in sales, The best way to persuade is to focus on the benefits that the other person will get from that new behavior. These benefits can be diverse, so before making your criticism reflect on them. Similarly forget the negative, focus on the benefits you will get with the new behavior, and not on the damages you are getting with the current one.
5. Empathize with the other person or start your criticism with praise
Before making a criticism, it is good to show the other person that we have put ourselves in their place, or even that we also sinned before. This will make her feel that we understand her and will give strength to our advice.
At the same time, when we criticize we are pointing the finger at something we don't like, so start our review by praising something that if we like it, can relax a possible defensive attitude. Avoid expressions that start with "you should."
6. Choose the right time and place
As mentioned earlier, whenever you are going to make a criticism try to be relaxed. If you get carried away by the anger that generates what you are going to criticize, it will be impossible for you not to end up attacking the other person. Therefore monitor your emotional state and make the criticism only with a cold mind.
The place is also very important. Avoid social environments with other people in front. In the same way if you think that your criticism can generate negative emotions, but still it is necessary to do it, watch that it cannot crush you a pleasant moment. If, for example, you are traveling in Paris contemplating the Eiffel Tower with your partner and you remember at that moment of the rage that gives you not to pull the chain in the mornings, do yourself a favor and do not chafes that moment.
Ideally look for moments in which you are in a good mood but in turn we are too special in your lives, to be able to comment your criticisms in a relaxed way and without unnecessary alterations.
7. Please criticize one by one
When we get into a critical attitude, people usually Start remembering more things to criticize and we can start shooting without control. Do not fall for this error. Make the critics one by one and with spaces separated in time. If we do not fall into the risk of saturating the other person and stirring up an argument.
8. Do not judge
Try not to tell the other person that it is in a certain way. One is not "messy", but "is being messy". Avoid judging and making negative “you are” statements. Focus on the act or conduct criticized, not the way of being.
9. Do not overdo it or make comparisons
Again when we warm up, people tend to oversize criticism. Control yourself and try not to overdo it. At the same time avoid making comparisons, few things give more anger. Comparisons are not a good form of persuasion, rather we identify them as attacks.
10. Take care of your nonverbal language
Remember that the goal is to cause change and avoid conflict. Your attitude has to be that of a person trying to help another, so your voice, expressions or gestures must be consistent.
In addition to all these recommendations it is essential that we be assertive people, this quality will make us know how to manage any conflict and make criticisms in a constructive way. Here you can read an article about the Assertive communication: Guide with examples to be more assertive.
I also recommend the book Don't tell anyone ... SO, very useful, simple and enjoyable to learn more about communication in interpersonal and professional relationships.
Seduce is to enjoy every moment, because there is no greater seduction than to feel our present. The touch of a smile, the electricity that conveys a look. Words that walk through the air and ignite us with emotion. To seduce is to love oneself, love others and let ourselves be enveloped by the magic that is created.
Life is a set of experiences. The sum of moments that escape from our hands, unforgettable is its beautiful transience. To those we add others that we would like to release and never see again. One and others at the stake of life make us jump and cry. Wander adrift or at a straight pace. Drift is sometimes scary, but without it nothing would make sense. So make it intense! Get ready to enjoy intensely and jump to that beautiful bonfire. Be charmed by passion! You have nothing to lose, but much to feel.