Persuading is the ability to convince others of what we want them to do, buy or even what we want them to believe. Its use is also vital internally; convincing ourselves towards positive behaviors and decisions.
We live in a world where "Everything is sold" and persuading is not just a matter of companies that want to sell more, because the capacity for persuasion is even more, if possible, used in political campaigns or even in religions.
There is no greater persuasion than that of sell an idea!
Persuasion requires well-trained and developed communication skills, where empathy and assertiveness, as well as other features such as conviction or courage when defending our proposals are of vital importance and should not be lost sight of.
Repeating is persuading in more detail.
Duke of Levis
- 1 1. Detect objections and excuses
- 2 2. How to detect objections and excuses
- 3 3. Do not leave objections unresolved
- 4 4. Use sources that support your arguments
- 5 Wake up beauty: Creativity in the art of love
- 6 We live in poetry: Poems and thoughts in prose
- 7 5. Don't judge, provoke
- 8 6. Use the power of visualization
- 9 7. Watch the meaning of the words
- 10 8. Master the basic skills to persuade
1. Detect objections and excuses
The art of persuasion depends on knowing how to motivate others towards satisfying their needs through our proposals. However, people do not always know what we need or if we will be able to meet those needs with what they offer us.
Because of this we resort to the use of two mechanisms: objections and excuses. Two ways of action that although some inhibit succumbing to the penalties of rejection, others give the information they needed to end up convincing others. Let's see how to opt for this path!
Objections are those real causes for which people do not carry out a certain action and that, therefore, we have to take into account to be able to solve them. Being able to do it before they appear when our interlocutor has not yet communicated them, but we intuit that they can appear and we anticipate them. Or later when they tell us explicitly: "That car is very cool and very well priced, but I need a bigger one with a large trunk."
Excuses are disguised objections that may well be a lie or hide true substantive objections. Being these used to evade or escape the situation in a way that does not generate conflicts.
A clear example of an excuse would be the famous "I have a boyfriend" that girls suck at their suitors when starting a conversation in a disco. Later we will analyze in depth this enlightening example ...
The art of persuading consists both of pleasing and convincing; since men are governed more by whim than by reason.
2. How to detect objections and excuses
To detect these objections and excuses we will need to pay attention to:
- Text: What they are telling us with words.
- Nonverbal language: What do their gestures, body position, etc. convey to us?
- The context: Those circumstantial and emotional aspects surrounding the situation.
- Person: Traits, beliefs, attitudes, motivations and needs of the person with whom we are trying to adapt our messages to their personal characteristics.
Previously we commented on the famous excuse of "I have a boyfriend." Let us now see through this example how we can detect and resolve real objections. We will focus on this from the perspective that we are a boy that we have come to link with a girl and she has told us that she has a boyfriend as an excuse to get out of the way.
I have a boyfriend.
If for example that "I have a boyfriend" tells us a girl from playful way, is totally different than if you tell us showing signs of anxiety or boredom.
In the first case, the boy may find it attractive and is simply testing him and the real objection is: "I don't know you enough and I test you to see if you play and are fun or exciting."
Meanwhile, in the second case, that much colder treatment can tell us something like this: «They have already tried to come to link me with several uncles before you and I do not feel like talking to another uncle affiliated with the most boring and drowsy boredom».
In this second case, managing that rejection with a sense of humor to raise your mood can be very useful to solve the real objection: "I don't feel like talking to boring kids." Showing him so that with us he will have fun.
On the other hand, it would be a nefarious strategy of persuasion to “hit the blow” in a serious and boring way telling him that we only want to talk to her to be friends. More than anything because his objection is emotional: He wants to have fun. Therefore we have to give it fun, not arguments. Unless we say these arguments in a fun way, as we will see later in the conversation example in this section.
The meaning of the text will depend largely on the circumstances. If a girl tells a boy that she has a boyfriend, at a time when she is alone with him after spending a couple of hours talking and seducing each other, we are facing a real objection. He is telling us:
"I can't go on and do anything else with you because I would be unfaithful and I don't want to be." Or in the case that you don't mind being unfaithful, you would simply be communicating it to us to share that responsibility and inform us so that we know what soil we step on.
If that same one I have a boyfriend, as we mentioned previously he tells us as soon as he starts talking to her, it is very likely to be a lie. However, the probability that it is a lie will be much higher in the case that we have started that conversation in a nightclub, because there is usually a greater proportion of single people, as well as other circumstances such as competition (he wants nothing with you because he has He looked at another boy who does not stop looking at her), that if he tells us in a library where external factors are more likely to have that boyfriend is considered true.
As you can see, there are many different conditions depending on the situation in which we seek to persuade others. For what is said by the way, if not, it is useless get frustrated.
Finally, all people have different traits. For example, I tend to be a very joking person in my festive environments, and as a game I could say that I have a girlfriend when in fact it was not the case. Although later I would deny it ...
Conclusion: there are multiple internal and external factors that make objections and excuses interpreted and resolved in various ways, which resembles a whole art in communication.
Example answer "I have a boyfriend"
-Hello what's your name?
-I'm sorry but i have a boyfriend.
-Ahh ok! Quiet, do not think bad woman. It would never occur to me to try to seduce a nice girl with infinite black eyes. Because of the fear of dark spaces, you know! He replies with exaggerated gestures.
"Of course, what have you become my friend, right?" She says with a mischievous smile.
-Of course! Be clear that this rock girl look as if you had been the promoter of the French revolution attracts me absolutely nothing - she whispers visibly attracted.
"That way you won't get me to believe it, of course you love it."
"Skilful girl!" Rock lover like me surely, right?
-You have hit the nail!
As you can see in this example, the boy makes use of irony, exaggeration and absurdity to entertain the girl while managing the famous "I have a boyfriend." An excuse she has given him because he thought that he was going to get bored with him, but that once talking and starting to have fun does not prevent them from knowing each other because it was not a real objection.
The boy has persuaded her to want to meet him by making him see that he can meet his current entertainment needs; although there are many more as we discovered in the emotional communication model of Wake up beauty.
3. Do not leave objections unresolved
I remember how in an exam in the subject of personal sale of my career the teacher asked the following question: What is the main reason why a sale fails?
To answer it, the teacher left only a single line in whose space the correct answer was: Having left some objection unresolved.
But to understand this let's give an example:
Client: I really like this TV, but it seems too big.
In this case the objection or excuse would be the size of the TV
Objection: He really likes the TV, but thinks it's too big. The client has been sincere.
Excuse: It seems very expensive (real objection) and to get rid of the commercial tries to escape with the excuse that it is too large, when that may not be an impediment for the customer.
The commercial could then answer as follows:
Commercial: Being a large screen, at first it is normal for us to get a little used to. But because of the distance it has from the sofa to the TV in your living room, this is the ideal size according to the studies. You will see how such a screen will end up enjoying it much more. Is demonstrated.
In the case of the excuse, if the salesperson manages to see that the real objection is the price, after the previous explanation about the size, he could continue offering a cheaper alternative or giving him a discount on the product offered to stimulate his intention to increase expenditure.
Commercial: However, let me show you another TV of this same size that is currently in promotion and has very similar characteristics in case you end up being more interested.
In this case, how would you solve that objection or excuse on the TV? I invite you to give me your examples in the comments or consult me with other possible objections and excuses and how you could solve them in order to practice and settle in the resolution of objections.
4. Use sources that support your arguments
Good arguments motivate us to perform actions in a certain way. To make these arguments we have our own sources (our own experiences or knowledge learned during our life) or external sources (experiences and knowledge of other people).
Ex: Persuade a person to get carried away and not think about what others can say.
I used to worry a lot about what people might think of me. However, after a car accident in which I was about to lose my life, I began to see things differently. Now I live my life without thinking about what others can say about it, and the truth is that I am much happier.
EXPERIENCES OF NEARBY PEOPLE
EJ: Persuade to forgive an infidelity.
My friend Marta went through a situation similar to yours. The poor had a terrible time. Her boyfriend cheated on her with a co-worker. He had a hard time forgiving him, but in the end he did. The funny thing is that this infidelity and being about to cut the relationship made him realize how much he loved her. They recently got married and always tells me how good they are together and how much they love each other now.
FAMILY CHARACTER EXPERIENCES
Note: Famous people are often considered as behavior referents. The more admiration they cause us and relate to the subject to be persuaded, the more influence they have as sources of persuasion.
Ex: Persuade to continue insisting on a business idea.
As Steve Jobs said, sometimes life hits you with a brick in the head, but you never have to lose faith. If he had done it, maybe today Apple would not exist. Your idea is good, hold on. The blows will always be there, but with faith in the end you will get it.
EXTERNAL SECONDARY SOURCES
We can extract our arguments from books, articles, scientific studies, movies, podcasts, videos, etc. Whether quoting the author or not, if we support our argument in a source that is considered prestigious or close, we will gain weight in persuasion.
Example to convince another to play sports when that other one is interested in business or professional success
I recently read an article that a well-known successful entrepreneur told how he started doing sports on a daily basis and his life changed completely. He said that he had always been a little distressed and tired because he led a very stressful life, and that the sport helped him to disconnect and relax in such a way that his business successes multiplied. Also in the article they cited a study conducted on more than 2000 people that shows that exercising improves mental abilities and emotion management.
5. Don't judge, provoke
Judging others we can get to persuade them, but we will be achieving it in a way in which we generate rejection and negative emotions, and in which that in which we intend to persuade turns against us.
A clear example of this is found in families, where fathers and mothers judge or criticize their children for everyday aspects such as having a messy room, causing damage to their children's personality, the result of trying to persuade through criticism or the imposition
Ex: Persuade someone not to criticize others.
Judging: You have to change your attitude, don't stop criticizing people. So you will always be full of grudges.
Without judgment: The truth is that some reason you have, anyway I have always thought that everyone is free to live as they please. I do not like to think much about how others live, I prefer to focus on what I can enjoy my own life.
When we judge we are attacking the other person (giving a negative opinion about them or their ways of acting) and it will be normal for us to obtain a defense that distances us from that understanding.
Answer (judging): I don't stop criticizing? Well, you go! In fact you just did it. Let's see if who is going to be full of grudges is you. I'm fine.
In the second case, we do not judge, but We cause a change in behavior using ourselves as referents. That is, we tell the other person that we understand her, so that she realizes we respect her, but at the same time we offer her a different attitude.
Answer (without judging): If you're right. The same happens to me. Sometimes I get hot and I can not help but criticize, but yes, better contain yourself and focus on enjoying our now.
6. Use the power of visualization
Visualizing and imagining different situations has great power over our mind. The key is to make the other person imagine in future situations in a better state than the current one, and also try to move away from negative situations. Let's look at it with an example.
Imagine that we are meeting a girl on a date and she tells us:
- His previous partner was unfaithful
We would thus detect an objection and a need. What this girl wants to know is if you can trust us in the chaos of having a long term relationship.
Ex: Persuade that you are not unfaithful
Let's see, when I have been dating a person I have not felt the need to be with anyone else. And if in the future you and I had a relationship, I would like it to be a relationship based on trust, where there is no need to spy on each other and where we are together because every day we decide so. Being with someone who makes me smile, with whom I feel comfortable just looking at her. Even that being lying on the couch all afternoon and feeling that there is nothing but the two of us. And of course good sex hahaha. They are simple things, but if you have them, I at least do not need anything else.
In this example, the detail is that the other person imagines himself having a wonderful relationship with him (not spying, looking and smiling, feeling that nothing else is needed, etc). If we only told you that we are not unfaithful, you can believe it or not believe it. However, if we accompany those words of visualizations, your mind will receive justifications based on images and help us convince it.
7. Watch the meaning of the words
To avoid causing misunderstandings and conflicts, we will have to take into account that when we communicate we must not only take into account the meaning we give to those words, but also the meaning that our public can be giving.
This meaning that a word or expression can have for us may differ from that given by any other person. Watch what you say and how you say it and anticipate any possible objections you may get in favor of a good understanding.
He: It shows that you are an open girl and I like that.
She: Are you calling me easy?
Him: Haha, I don't mean that. I mean you're open to meeting new people and sharing new ways of thinking.
She: Ahhh, well yes. The truth is that I consider myself a quite sociable person.
8. Master the basic skills to persuade
The easiest way to know what a person needs is to put ourselves in their place. That will give us the information we need to be able to convince her. We will also need the empathy to make the other person feel that we really understand her, increasing these the chances of being advised and listening to what we say.
By assertive communication We try to expose our positions without judging or assaulting the other person. To persuade and convince, we need to generate positive emotions that make us be seen as allies with intentions of reaching an agreement. Not like someone who just wants to take us the opposite.
Absolute truths do not exist. Have a flexible mind capable of understanding and presenting different possibilities. Try to be precise when communicating your ideas and experiences. You don't notice the details. Always have a good attitude and sense of humor. Speak from the feeling and start to get excited using the emotional communication.
The world is waiting for you to know what your next words will be. Sometimes he will praise you for them, others will hate you. But never fall in fear of silence. You say with courage it is yourself who most influence each of those letters. Make sure that these always persuade you to more creative moments full of beauty!