It does not matter if they give you the reason if that does not lead you to get what you want. Many times we get lost in words and fail to see the background. We want you to recognize us and tell us, yes, it's true, you're right. But aren't they giving you the reason like fools? What good is that if in the end you don't get what you want?
It is much better to focus on the goal we want to achieve and make it happen. Break the barriers of the rational. To persuade we have to know how to combine the cognitive path (convince) but even more important the affective path (provoke with emotions).
If you don't have empathy and effective personal relationships, no matter how smart you are, you won't get far.
Imagine that we approach to talk to someone and reject us:
"I'm sorry, but I don't want to meet anyone tonight." I've only come to be with my friends.
"You should cheer up a little and talk to new people." You look like an interesting girl and we can like each other very well.
"It's possible, but not tonight." Goodbye!
"I'm sorry but I don't want to meet anyone tonight."
-I understand you perfectly. I didn't greet my dog last week. And that I usually have very interesting and constructive political conversations with him.
"Hahaha, I didn't know there were dogs that could talk."
"Someday I'll introduce it to you, but right now it's my turn." I'm David.
In the first example we seek to be told yes, that we are right and we hope that it will open and talk to us. We try to convince her that she can have a good time with us by the cognitive route, that is, with logical arguments. But so we do not influence his mood, which is what is failing. Therefore, she continues on the defensive. His emotions remain intact and there are no changes in his emotional predisposition.
You cannot understand another person well and do something else at the same time.
M. Scott Peck.
It is one thing to hear what one person tells us, and the other to understand what he is telling us. To understand you have to speak the language of emotions to know how to interpret and modulate it. That they give us the reason or it is not useless. In the example we have seen, it is better to show him that he can have a good time with us than promise, right? In the second example we do not look at the objection, we empathize with the situation and try to give it a cheerful touch. The other person laughs, perceives us as funny and enters the conversation with a more cheerful attitude.
We need to understand that when we want to reach an end in a communicative context (as in this example to link), the important reasons are not the logical reasons we can give. You may even feel that we are trying to manipulate or sell the motorcycle.
I don't like that man. I need to know him better.
The important thing is to cause changes in her perceptions that attract her to what we want, and that she herself be convinced that the emotional state offered by your company is better than the one she had, or that releases some tension or unmet need ( In the case of the example, it may be to have the best time possible, meet a boy you like, live an adventure, and a long etc).
Set aside your pride, observe your emotions from the outside, and communicate generating positive emotions present that design great future moments. No matter who is right, what matters is the end result of the communication.
Forget about being right as fools. Do not be obsessed with being told that if you are a sage and you know everything. The important thing is that you get changes in the other person that lead you to meet the conscious or unconscious objectives of the interaction (which can be simply having fun, linking, etc., in the context of this example). Apply this to any communicative context. If you always discuss with your partner, family, or friends, review those discussions and see if it is worth the negative feelings that are generated, just to see who is right or not.
Remember that reason is always subjective, it is subject to millions of interpretations as there are millions of people in the world, and only time accurately discriminates between successes and mistakes. Enjoy positive emotions, experiencing them and generating them in others, and open yourself to the beauties of the world without the barriers of our pride.
Set aside your pride, observe your emotions from the outside and communicate generating positive emotions present that design great future moments. No matter who is right, what matters is the end result of the communication and what we feel when we interact.