Is infidelity the end of a stable and beneficial relationship for both parties, or can we forgive it for moving on?
This question has been asked many times on social networks. There are many different stories that I have heard from "cuckold" and infidels alike. It seems that infidelity is something very much the order of the day lately, and that apparently putting the horns is at some point, fashionable ... More if we take into account that in Spain we are at the head of Europe in this area.
That is why in this article we will try to get away from the conventions and reflect, trying not to fall into the grip of the ego and pride, on what would be the most correct decision about forgiving or not an infidelity.
Finally, the decision will be yours ...
- 1 Why has infidelity arisen?
- 2 Wake up beauty: Creativity in the art of love
- 3 We live in poetry: Poems and thoughts in prose
- 4 Do we forgive or not forgive an infidelity?
- 5 Final tip
Why has infidelity arisen?
Did you know that according to studies conducted both men and women are unfaithful almost equal? But the most worrisome still is that rates of infidelity above 50% are shuffled.
That means that if we wanted to be with a person who has never been unfaithful, we should rule out 50% of our potential partners. With these data we better not be too jealous if we want to live calm and happy.
There are people who are automatically clear about an infidelity and break the relationship. But have you stopped to think about why such a catastrophic incident has occurred?
If we do not know why a boy or a girl has been unfaithful and we remedy it, it is possible that in the future, whether or not we continue with that person, we will be unfaithful again for the same. At least with a 50% chance.
We will distinguish in three blocks the main reasons why boys or girls can be unfaithful:
1. Dissatisfaction with your current partner
The couple we are with does not cover any or part of our emotional, experiential or sexual needs.
The liberation of sexual needs, so repressed by religions in ancient times, and the strong rise of the erotic, have triggered infidelity rates. Having a little basic sex from time to time today is no longer something that works for us. We want sexual relationships full of passion, varied and lasting, and if our partner is not able to give it to us, it is possible that another person is willing to do so.
I remember how a friend told me that he was having relations with a girl who was at the same time unable to leave her boyfriend. She told him that she loved her boyfriend very much and did not think she could live without him, but that in bed she was not satisfied and she had to find life by having sex with other men. And in the male case, three quarters of the same occurs. Although personally I think that these are usually unfaithful motivated more by adventure and variety than by covering their sexual needs.
On the other hand we have the emotional needs within the couple, where he emphasizes that many of the women who are unfaithful do so because they feel rejected by their partner, they feel alone, they want to feel special, or they are looking for a partner that they consider better than the one they have.
We assume that we are unfaithful without remedy. In this case we distinguish infidels without remedy from two classes: those who repent but remain unfaithful and those who assume their infidelity and no longer give any remorse towards it (in this case we would also find the liberal couples).
One of the main factors that studies indicate as the cause of much of the infidelities is boredom. Who leads them to play with the forbidden and look for adventures.
I know a guy with charisma and quite physically attractive, that when I talk to him I feel that he really loves and loves his girlfriend. She is a retailer, cares a lot for her, and tries to please and satisfy all her needs. They have been together for several years and he says that one day he will marry her. But on the other hand, I rebelled that he has never been faithful. You need to feel wanted by other girls and have sporadic adventures with some frequency. That he doesn't feel free and happy if he doesn't. He also told me that sometimes he regretted and felt terrible, but that he had enough of it and he did it.
That case of my friend may seem "unusual" to some deaf ears, but I have met many times in both women and men. The search for emotions is the main reason for habitual infidels, regardless of whether they love their partner intensely or not.
That deep satisfaction begins to kill you; nothing new, no excitement, no possibility of "no"; always "yes." Hence, from time to time you feel the desire to have an adventure. It is completely natural.
OSHO, from the book: Learn to love
We talk about subjects who are not usually unfaithful or have never been unfaithful but due to certain circumstances in a given context or situation, they have been unfaithful to their partner and they regret it (or not) for having been. These oversights can often come as a result of the two previous points.
Our needs, points of view, interpretations of life ... Everything changes continuously. The emotions and the interpretation we make of reality are not permanent, and a person who today can be very faithful, tomorrow can cease to be. What is clear is that we are always discovering ourselves and it is very difficult to know how we will be in the future according to the letters that life presents to us.
It is not you and I, we are both in the indestructible emotional matter that unites us. That is why we discover each other when we are together. That is for me your company. A whole discovery.
David Jungle, Poem of the book: Wake up beauty.
Taking into account the studies I have read and my own experience on the subject, the main reasons that cause these oversights are: seeking emotional support, feeling desired, gaining confidence, feeling seduced, want to feel the passion of the love in its beginnings, etc.
We are facing cases that, although a person is not unfaithful to his partner, if he continues to play to seduce other men or women. This exposure to new seductions that in most cases begin and end only in pure play, are the main reason for the oversights.
I remember the case of a girl who told me she had a great relationship with her boyfriend, who wanted to spend all her life with him and would not know what to do if he left her, but on the other hand he liked to play with other boys to feel wanted. She also told me how one night of partying and after drinking, she had been unfaithful to her boyfriend with a boy who was just playing at the beginning and in the end the thing got hot.
Do we forgive or not forgive an infidelity?
Decisions there are as many as rocks in the sea. Each person should analyze according to their beliefs if they are willing to forgive or not.
The data is clear. Infidelity is normal in humans. But should a person who has broken our trust be forgiven? Should we continue in a relationship where trust has deteriorated?
Trust takes a long time to create and maintain, but it can be destroyed in a few seconds.
Forgiving is an act that consists in accepting and forgetting. Forgiving but not forgetting is an incongruity. Who does not forget is that he has not accepted and has not forgiven. In these times and with these statistical data, choosing to forgive or not do it is an arduous task. However, I would like to give you some advice in this regard to make your task a bit easier if that is possible:
1. Analyze the specific case
We have already seen very briefly the main cases of infidelity and the profiles of unfaithful people. Try to see which one corresponds to yours and reflect on whether it is worth it or not to continue with that relationship. Get rid of third party opinions. It is you who has to decide, and if you forgive, try to forget and not bring up the issue again. Not even inside your own head.
If, for example, everything indicates that our partner has been unfaithful in a premeditated manner (it is not an oversight), we will be much further away from forgiving her. On the other hand there will be cases in which we feel that this couple loves us but is unable to be faithful. If you are a very jealous person, it is undoubtedly best to change partners. If you are not and you think those infidelities are rare and bearable, you may prefer to overlook it. Reflect on your case.
2. Take appropriate action
The other day I was told by a boy on social networks that his girlfriend had been unfaithful because he said he didn't like him in bed and wanted to try another boy. He also told me that she loved him and that he had told her many times to change, but that he had not yet done so. He had kept her dissatisfied ...
Infidelities can give us a lot of information, like any traumatic experience. Maybe we should put the batteries and be more seductive with our partner, we have to solve some communication problem, or we do not try hard enough to have a better sex. But all these questions have a solution, in fact on this page we have many articles on all these topics. So get out of your comfort zone and start improving yourself and your relationship. That is the best way to prevent infidelities. Much better than worry and cause jealousy that more than useless, they do is lead us to mutual destruction.
3. Get away from the conventions
In this article we have seen some statistical data. There are many studies on infidelity and in none of them can we draw good conclusions in favor of full fidelity.
Many people say they would never forgive an infidelity, but of course, how easy it is to say. If we get to be realistic, with that way of thinking the thing gets very complicated and it is very possible that we end up changing partners several times. Or what is worse, that after an infidelity we never manage to overcome it and we end up adopting persecutory and jealous measures even if we change it.
4. Be respected
A phrase comes to mind that says: Once I forgive, we can all be wrong, two cannot.
Forgive or not forgive, people have to be respected. Be careful, you don't need to pelease or scream like crazy. One can be respected even with a sense of humor, although the most important thing is to convey that we do not have a dependency excitesl too high of the other person. In this way, he perceives that if he does not end up respecting us, we will have the confidence and security of turning the page without obsessing with it.
We value relationships more when we know we can lose them. It will be much harder for us to be unfaithful to our boy or girl if we know that he will leave us yes or yes, if he catches us or we tell him, that if we are certain that he will not care and forgive us. Try to get away from extremisms and as I said, analyze the situation and before forgiving your conditions.
Adopt the decision that you consider most appropriate for your interests taking into account how the patio is. No one is able to know you better than you. If you do not feel comfortable forgiving, it may be better to end that relationship. A thorn stuck can be a future hell. So if you continue your relationship, make sure you leave out the grudges.
Be careful when meeting new people if you are interested in keeping your current partner. New people bring us fun and new emotions and can seduce us and make us strong, but that does not mean that in the long term they can be more profitable for us than our current partner.
Choose to transform pain and anguish into beautiful flowers and make good feelings your workhorse. The most important thing is not what we do or do to ourselves, but how we react to those stimuli. Taking the conventional path is not always the solution. There are creative ways that can help us be happier. We just have to be brave and go deep into the unknown. From the unknown of our own psychological worlds.