Emotional Myopia: No one is what it seems

Wow ... In the end this person was not what I expected. What could have happened?

In this article we will reflect on a concept that I have decided to baptize as Emotional Myopia. Nice name, right? The objective will be to reflect on how our own emotional state and the emotions generated by other people affect our perceptions of them and even ourselves.

Emotional myopia consists of a perception of distorted (not real) reality caused by the influence that emotions have on a person, either by a certain emotional state in which they are or by the emotions that other people generate in them.

In a previous article in which we talked about the perceptions (you can open it in a new window by clicking here), and we saw how there is an objective reality (one that is truly real) and a subjective reality (that each person forms around their own perceptions of reality).

Psychologically we are addicted to positive emotions. We like to be with people who cover our emotional needs, value us and, ultimately, make us feel better. However, we must be very careful, because sometimes these positive emotions are not as real as we think. Both positive and negative emotions are related to each other and influence each other.

An example would be how before a moment in which we find ourselves wrong, we can perceive a person who gives us positive emotions in an exalted way, valuing them much more than they may really deserve, because it helps us lift our spirits by covering some need of affection or acceptance.


Watch the emotional context in which you are, and where others are ...

Following the previous example, and so that we can visualize it, we could imagine a boy and a girl who are getting to know each other and have already had several dates together. The context is as follows:

That boy went through a rather traumatic break in his previous relationship, where the girl he was with was unfaithful to a friend of his. This was a blow that made him feel cheated and humiliated socially.

Under this situation we will create two more contexts as an example that continue with the previous one, one of power situation, and another of weakness situation. It is not necessary to add that these are simple hypothetical examples to understand the concept of emotional myopia and each person will act differently depending on many other factors not considered in them.

Context in a situation of power

Consider now that this guy is someone attractive and socially successful with the girls. After depositing his emotions in a relationship in which he ended up badly stopped, he now feels much more encouraged to sting from flower to flower (because he can) and is very likely to close the doors of his heart at least in the short term.

Emotional myopia here will be in that, No matter how great or very beautiful the girl she is meeting now, she will hardly be able to see him, because she has become numb to certain signs of affection for fear of reliving a painful situation like the one she had in the past. His vision of reality is strongly conditioned by that past experience, therefore, he is emotionally short-sighted.

Context in a situation of weakness

In this second case, consider that after his breakup, that boy has not met any other girl for more than 6 months, and he feels desperate to find someone.

Emotional myopia could to reflect then in a tendency to extol the positive emotions that the other person generates. Faced with this situation of despair, it is possible that the other person will find it much more funny, honest, sincere, etc., than it really is. That is, it will extol its qualities.

This bad emotional situation makes her become much more sensitive in a fictional way to the positive emotions generated by that girl, which can have dire consequences in the long term such as emotional dependence, or worse, after a long time knowing To that person realize that it was not what he was really looking for.

Emotional changes and fluctuations

People's emotional states are constantly changing, influencing their attitudes and these attitudes about their actions and their personality.

It is not the same person that we know when everything is going well, than when everything is going wrong. And everything is said, we are not the exception, unless we are an emotional management machine, which is also not recommended because it could imply repression and this can lead to destruction (such as the Volcano that explodes after years of containing) .

At the same time, many people suffer from high emotional imbalances, where positive and negative emotions flow like a roller coaster. What state are they in when we interact with them? Does that situation sound to you in which you are very well with a person who suddenly goes to be wrong for some nonsense?

These cases are common in many couples, and although some venture to say that it is something normal, I will say that it will be normal in the event that it happens very occasionally and in really important conflicts, but if it happens regularly and Without seemingly significant reasons, we would be talking about a toxic relationship (some people are addicted to these types of emotional swings not necessarily positive).

In the example of this article where the boy felt socially unsuccessful, it is possible that the subject is very excited and tries hard to make things go well with that new girl, since after 6 months of drought sure he tries work it out. But what will happen when that new relationship is consolidated? What will happen after a year dating together? Will that boy remain the same person or will he become a toad?

Many sentimental relationships are forged between people who don't really know each other. It is very possible that this boy has played a role to please. They say that trust disgusts, but what makes trust disgusting is precisely that after trust we begin to show ourselves without masks. We stop being what we seem to show ourselves more as we truly are. Does this always happen? Well, the truth is that no, often people simply remain themselves, but they become a more vague version. In other words, we leave the mask of our most seductive “me” forgotten in a drawer and put on our pleased “I” mask.

The mask that certain men wear may be closer to the essence, more suitable for their being than the face they have.

Lucian Blaga

Sometimes when those masks fall we find a sweeter and tastier part underneath, just as if we were unwrapping a candy. The person begins to like more, his true self is still better. But what if under that wrap we find a bitter candy?

There will be those who think that good ... since I have developed it and that it has taken my time and my work because I put it in my mouth (it is proven that it is very difficult for us to deny our decisions when they have involved an investment, in sentimental cases they are emotional and time investments), another option would be to try to change (difficult but possible).

Summary and final advice

Emotional myopia causes a distortion in our vision of reality and the way we perceive the people with whom we socialize.

Use empathy and watch in what emotional state you are facing so that the interpretations you make of others are as objective as possible.

Expand your vision with knowledge. Reading quality articles or books on these topics of emotional intelligence can help us identify more accurately how the people we deal with are, and they will also help us identify in what state we are and how we can better manage our own emotions.

As an antithesis to the above, I will tell you that trying to combat emotional myopia can be complicated, so it would not be productive for our lives to become too obsessed with this. Very rational people who tend to be continuously worried about controlling their emotions are often less happy.

Try to act with awareness and intelligence, but at the same time never forget to let yourself go without fear, enjoying your present and without making your life bitter for what was the past or will be the future. Act with courage and not judge or repress us if our courage leads us to make mistakes. After all, the most important thing of all is to enjoy and be happy.

When? Where? Here and now!

Do not miss my article:
Emotional intelligence: Guide to manage emotions

brave jungle

#wearebrave #alwaysbeatyourself

Suggest that the best is always to come. A better sample of yourself is with its doors yet to open. Avoid anchoring to the nostalgia of what you have already done. Go back again and again to the creativity of passion; Eager not to hold you back to anything or anyone.

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5 replies on "Emotional Myopia: No one is what it seems"

  • Comfort

    Indeed, in a situation of emotional myopia (fantastic conceptualization, by the way), we tend to idealize in the other person the emotions that cover our needs and shortcomings. I am becoming more aware of it ... and I will continue to be alert. ... well I only want healthy relationships in my life from freedom ... THANK YOU, David ... you are still a source from which I draw and learn. A big hug! !!!!

    • David Jungle

      Healthy relations of freedom. You hit the spot on Consuelo. Through meditation we can make a visual review of our relationships by extracting ourselves from our emotions, without playing them, as an observer. It is useful to analyze if they are really healthy and free as we want 😉

  • Bibi

    Oops! ... you fell from heaven, thanks for that!
    Today I learned that I can see the potential of the person, and that ... it charged me spiritually, because as a child I should be there for that person, so that it could be enhanced ... of course, I didn't know that I saw that because I only saw the good, what what will it be, give him what you can ... the other, he had no need to appreciate what he was saying. So it hit me quite a bit…. I am learning to manage that thin line of self and him / her to become us. Not easy because I have to detach myself from many things, but with the intention of finally knowing myself completely and offering myself without attachments, pain or expectations…. THANKS!!!! I found you at the right time.


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