La emotional frustration It is a feeling of failure and disappointment that appears before unfulfilled desires, unmet needs, monotonous and boring situations or continued stress.
During this article we will see how we can overcome emotional frustration, heal the frustrations of our past, and turn the energy of this emotion into a force of overcoming.
- 1 Emotional frustration and defense mechanisms
- 2 How to overcome emotional frustration
- 3 Avoid unnecessary frustrations
- 4 Wake up beauty: Creativity in the art of love
- 5 We live in poetry: Poems and thoughts in prose
- 6 Heal past emotional frustrations
Emotional frustration and defense mechanisms
Since childhood we have been taught that we have to fight to achieve our goals or desires. What has not been affected is that our happiness should not depend on meeting our goals. Being ambitious and having great desires is very positive, but not so much when they make us live in constant emotional frustration. I mean that new goals will always arise that want to meet and new frustrations. As if we continually seek the prize of success.
We can fight and dream of great achievements, but our happiness should not depend on them or we will feel slaves to external results. Achievements are always future. Although they can give us a feeling of intense joy when we get good results, that is of little use if we have not enjoyed the process.
If you do not feel like being frustrated in your desires, do not want anything else that depends on you.
Epictetus of Phrygia
A very interesting concept in the workplace is the "Burnout Syndrome" where frustrations derived from emotional wear are appreciated: The most accepted definition is that of Maslach and Jackson (1981): inadequate response to chronic emotional stress whose main features are: a physical and / or psychological exhaustion, a cold and depersonalized attitude in the relationship to others and a feeling of inadequacy to the tasks to be performed.
To protect against such a negative feeling, the subject tries to isolate oneself from others thus developing an impersonal attitude towards "customers" and team members. Showing cynical, distanced, using derogatory labels to refer to users. Or he will try to make others guilty of his emotional frustration and decline in his work commitment.
Keep in mind that a frustrated person will feel anguish at the memory of their failures, which can lead them to take less risks in their lives. Even to live resentfully in his current situation for fear of failing again and reliving that anguish.
How to overcome emotional frustration
Accept that we are not always going to get what we want is basic to be able to manage our emotions and have enough strength so that no failure makes us give up.
For example, imagine that we really like a boy and we put all the meat on the grill to try to like it. We are facing a person with a life, needs, frustrations and diverse experiences. This person can reject us. It is something genuine and natural.
Faced with failures, we need to understand what has happened and accept it at the moment without blaming ourselves or blaming others. Given these frustrations that life presents us, we can proceed negatively or positively. Let's see both:
Face frustrations negatively
- We feel that anguish we were talking about and we try to avoid it by trying not to assume that kind of risk again.
- We become conformist and resentful.
- We tend to judge ourselves and blame ourselves for damaging our self-concept (we call ourselves dumb, incapable, etc.).
- We blame others even if they don't have it creating conflicts (defense mechanism of our ego).
- We feel negative and little motivated by new situations or challenges.
- We become more jealous of people who do achieve the successes we want.
Face frustrations in a positive way
- We accept that failure is part of life and part of the path to success.
- We are proud of ourselves for having fought for what we wanted.
- We are not proud to have faced our fear.
- We take advantage of this fall to learn from it and this motivates us to continue learning and improving.
- We look for different objectives or alternative ways to achieve success.
- We are positive and in the face of this frustration we remember our previous successes.
In both situations we can verify that one turns us off and the other turns us on. One collapses us and the other activates us. Thanks to frustration many people have achieved great achievements in their lives. Emotional frustration can be a great focus of motivation. Therefore, your attitude to frustrations is undoubtedly the best medicine you can take.
You may feel frustrated if you fail, but you will feel useless if you don't try.
We must accept that during our life we will fail many times. And that's not why we have to get frustrated. It's just the rules of the game. It is statistical. What you have not achieved in the past you can achieve in the future thanks to the tenacity and determination.
To all this we must add a fundamental principle. And is that You have to learn to live in the present and enjoy everyday life and small things. We can have great aspirations for the future, but if we get used to continuously strolling through that future we will be forgetting the most important thing: taste our honey now.
Avoid unnecessary frustrations
Don't be apocalyptic
There are always apocalyptic people. Donald Trump is president, squeeze the ass that the world is going to end. But let me tell you something. When one is not the object of criticism, it is another. With more, or less foundation. There are always reasons to be frightened. In the middle ages were pagans and certain witchcraft more perceptive than real. Fear generates dark inventiveness.
If we always look to the side of the limping table, we will always think that the table is going to fall. If the table falls, the pot, the mobile, and everything in it is broken. What will I do now without mobile?
From living in Liverpool completely disconnected from television while improving my English, I learned a couple of things. One is that television is apocalyptic to gain audience. Fear sells. And another one that if I don't find out about those fears, I dedicate more time to work or do what I like and less to waste it in judging how the patio paints.
Look with beauty eyes
You decide where to look and what to occupy your thoughts. I want to see that table that limps with a photographer's camera. With the eyes of a poet. Maybe in black and white or with a sepia effect. I want to see her beautiful with her flaws because that is how I will also see those around me.
When I have to act, if necessary I will get up in arms if necessary. But I decide to be free of my thoughts. I decide to see the hidden beauty, because art arises from it and creative solutions are born. Criticism only dawns destruction. From the artist comes love. The beautiful picture made where others only saw a lot of ashes.
Learn to how to worry less Enjoy life more. That is what really matters. Look with beauty eyes to everything around you. Fill yourself with good influences to help you. Read poetry. Meditate Do sports What you like most. But train yourself to love what you see.
It takes a balance between tension and relaxation
A constant tension generates nervousness, stress, and of course, emotional frustration. If we do not let the mind rest from time to time, it can become a very difficult locomotive to stop. And at a faster rate, more can be overwhelmed and generate new frustrations. We have to learn to disconnect:
The teacher looked at the emperor and asked: "Tell me one thing." Do you always carry the tensioned bow or do you let it rest? –The emperor replied: –If I kept the arch always stretched, I would lose elasticity and it would be useless. It must be left unstressed so that when we are going to use it it has elasticity.
As Osho says and appears in his Emotional wellbeing book: While working, keep your mind conscious, stay alert, be calculating, intelligent, skilled, efficient. But that is only the utilitarian part of life. When you leave the office, relax and let the unconscious overflow you and possess you: go crazy.
To avoid emotional frustration it is vital to learn to relax. Turn off our mind. Disconnect from the world. Meditating, reading or playing sports are very healthy habits for this purpose.
More on this in my article:
Disconnect from anxiety and rest
Heal past emotional frustrations
Adopt the same attitude we discussed in the previous point, and analyze how you can use past emotional frustrations to gain enthusiasm.
When I was 13 years old and began to fervently become interested in having female company by my side and having social success, I realized that my social skills were far from being as I wanted. I was shy and scared and I felt very frustrated. I had trouble making friends and having interesting conversations with girls. But I never stopped. I began to read and strive to improve.
Thanks to frustration, I instilled in myself a spirit of self-improvement that has never stopped since. I went from being a bad student and getting several degrees and a university degree. I went from having few friends to having them everywhere and having many relationships with girls. The road was not easy. It was hard for me to achieve success. But thanks to the frustrations I was encountering, I was increasingly motivated to continue growing.
That is, use frustration as a source of motivation
Many of the students I have had as a social skills instructor came to me due to their previous frustrations. They had already fought before and continued to do so after meeting me. It is a delight to see a person that does not lower the arms and before the failures it rises and takes advantage of them to improve.
Any emotion is a powerful energy source. The more intense it is, the more energy it will give you. Do not let that energy destroy you. Use it to grow.
Do not be afraid of the pain of emotional frustration. You just have to take advantage of it. Accept it and use it as a trampoline to jump higher than ever. Frustration is an emotion that will always accompany you. It cannot be eradicated no matter how confident you are. But You choose how to react to it. My advice is that you use it to make yourself stronger and more capable. Stronger and more capable of getting what you want and enjoy life more and more.
When someone wants something, they should know that they are at risk and that is why life is worth it.
Be unconditionally happy about your successes or failures, and don't let these manipulate your mood and your ability to enjoy life. Love the risk! Love the intensity of life when it visits you! If you do, you will have nothing to fear. Emotional frustration cannot coexist with this feeling. You will always find a way out stronger.
On how to overcome your past frustrations, you can learn more in this article:
Every day they wait expectantly before us hundreds of stimuli. Sometimes they will attack us, while others will praise us. Sometimes we will feel like gods, sometimes as vagrants. But at the end of the day, the question that lies behind what stalks us is: How am I going to answer? If the answer implies creative energy… If that answer can bring happiness and progress in your life, without a doubt whatever path you choose will always be full of beautiful flowers.