If you have been attracted to the owner of this post is that like me, you also consider yourself a bit of an asshole. At least, occasionally. And that is the conclusion that we arrived a few days ago in this conversation that I share with you today, when a girl commented to me on Facebook:
—Hello, I would like to acquire new successful views of facing life. I am relatively attractive, relatively successful and relatively intelligent. But I can't be happy and there is the problem for almost a decade. I want to seduce myself and turn my brain into the prodigious machine that I know it is and other times it has been. But I end up self-sabotaging, worrying or blaming myself for everything.
—A problem is to have a vision focused on the objectives, rather than on the values and habits that mark our day to day. The objectives lead to the expectation and the expectation to the variation between what we believe we should feel or have and what we actually live. A comparison that coupled with a feeling of perpetual perfectionism, what perpetuates us is an intermittent chronic dissatisfaction.
It is not a matter of objectives, it is a matter of being this moment here and now as you want to be. Fulfilling values and habits that may lead you to meet certain objectives, or maybe not. But always valuing the enjoyment of now as a fundamental pillar, because happiness can only be found here. It is an attitude and nothing future can give it to you.
-Great! It's just what happens to me. I am very mental and I got used to focus on goals from the University. I became hyper-responsible and I do not admit mistakes, or almost enjoy. I know the theory but it costs me a world to apply it. I don't know how to deal with the feeling of failing others or myself in the slightest mistake and not being infallible. I know that nobody is and that it is not rational to think so. But I don't control it. I believe that if I am too self-indulgent I will fall on the path of neglect and laziness. I look for the balance for years between one extreme and another, but it costs me a lot.
- It is difficult because you have a series of beliefs established in you throughout the years that reinforce each other through experiences that have marked you. Unless you begin to meditate and begin to reinterpret a different present and future while giving another focus to the vital experiences that formed your past, it is very difficult for you to change. Because even if you adopt new theories, you subconsciously keep dragging your old programs. Maybe you should start accepting that this is a challenge that many of us face and that it costs. Start taking away importance to simply enjoy that balance game.
"I'm tired of challenges." I get older, ha ha. Now I want everything easy and fast. Yes I learn, not always, but those around me almost never. That frustrates me. My environment has the emotional intelligence of a boa constrictor. And they hurt me by not understanding me. They tell me that I give too much information and it is difficult to follow my reflections. I speak fast and my mind is speeding and people, especially men, get lost. They tell me that. In emotional, psychological, philosophical issues ... above all.
"If I can be honest, Lorena, I see a lot of complaint about everyday life that we all live ha ha ha." It is your perfectionism that disturbs you
"I have been accepting the asshole that the world is for a long time, and I have been very happy ever since."
-LOL! The thing is that I accepted it, but then it happened to me.
"Then put it on the wall!"
"I suppose that as a teacher I cannot lose faith in humanity at all." If not, what is the point of my work? People are read with exceptions and I can't change it. I breathe and I accept, I breathe and I accept ... but it doesn't come out.
- I have worked a lot as a coach and I have that same instinct, but having very clear that when I finally stretch my leg and leave this world there will be the same assholes that had or more because there are more and more people in the world. Maybe I am another asshole ha ha ha.
"And that doesn't mean you a conflict as a coach?"
—All the contrary. You feel freer than a bird with dragon wings. The problem of people is that they don't accept. I fulfill my values and I accept everything and everyone in their freedom.
"Explain that, please."
"I do my job well, I would say very well." I don't get frustrated by what others do. I help who is left to help and allows himself to change.
"True, and I accept but with limits." I hate that someone who does not reason thinks that I do not reason, or that they think that I stop discussing because I agree with them. When I give it to him I do it because of exhaustion or because I have more urgent things to do.
—That is ego problem. You still identify with that nonsense. I tell a "fool" what I would do. I teach him if he wants to learn. If not, I agree and run. You have to understand that you cannot be a teacher with everyone, because many people will not want your advice or listen to them, nor will you be right even if you have it. I don't want someone who has no interest in my way of thinking to agree with me. I am more pleased not to waste time arguing. Sometimes we are left waiting to be told that we are indeed right and that we are great, but that does not usually happen in a conversation from you to you where there are no teacher and student roles.
-True. So you do not care that a stupid think that you are more because you know it is not true. And if many think so, it's their problem. The injustice does not repay you. Well. To me, yes. I do not know how to calm that ego that does not want to be superior but does not want to be inferior without being so. I consider myself social and pleasant. That's why people love me. But I don't them. Because when it's me who looks for empathy in the people who receive it from me ... I can't find it. And I don't talk about men. It applies to men, women, children and flying rats.
"I do not repay the injustice that brings nothing." That someone who thinks differently from me, no matter how “foolish” or not, gives me nothing. I have nothing, just this moment and I decide to enjoy it or lose it by discussing nonsense. And for the record that time is not killed, he kills us. It is not a good way to kill us debating bullshit.
"Well, some people get angry when I use humor and call me ironic and sarcastic." On top of that I try to cheer you up. Other times it's funny. It happens more with men. I know many men who are menstruating lately. It will be andropause.
—The problem is that you are offended by the behavior of people with you and you expect back the respect you give them. Do not expect anything and everything happens, that is the secret of happiness. Everything else is ego. «They have treated me badly when I treat them well, how unfair». Do you hear that voice? They are garbage of the ego. Life is not fair and people will always be idiotic and selfish. Start being happy enjoying your now and going through the nonsense of that ego that is offended by everything and has defensive arguments for everything.
-It is understood. In fact, I theoretically understood it long ago.
"Wake up beauty and focus on the best." Cultivate a poetic vision before the garbage of life, because from them you learn. Or at least, you can laugh ha ha ha.
"I'll write it mantra type."
—The sense of humor is the elixir of the personality youth.
- I am thinking of a short phrase that concentrates the idea: "They are only human and they are projecting because they are irrational."
"They are not irrational." You can't think that either because you're going to generate problems with everyone. That is a conflicting attitude.
-"They do not know what they do".
-Neither. It is better to think: we are all a bit of an asshole sometimes.
-Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I can think what I can not say ...
-Everybody. You included If you don't include yourself you are not being realistic. Because you will have yours too ha ha ha ha.
-Hahaha. OK. There is no one perfect
—That's one of the secrets of happiness in relationships. Understand that we are all a bit of an asshole with others.
Do not be a slave to the behavior of others. You decide how you reap what others sow in you. A look of hate can be well matched with a smile. Because that smile is your hallmark. It is the voice you put into your words when the ones you receive are critical. It is your message when you say that you do not care what they think or say when you assume to be your own owner and that nothing and no one will command what you want to live and feel.